View the Guestbook

Dreams

Three Wishes

If My Kid Was Typical

Dreams

A dream is not necessarily a "full-blown"

 vision of what a parent wants for a child.

It may only be a tiny slice of their future life.

"A moment in time" -

Krystal crossing the street in a big city

with her seeing eye dog. (alone)

Krystal listening to an audio tape

of a book I’ve read.

Kim at a school dance with friends.

It is the professionals job to see beyond

the 9 month commitment they may have

with a particular child

and help the parent see how what

 they’re doing at this point in time will

help to make that

dream a reality.

I wrote that for an overhead I used for a presentation several years ago. I happened to come across this overhead one day last week. As I read it, I realized that my dream for Kim to attend a school dance with friends had occurred not once, but twice since school started in September.

Now when she went to her first dance, I was a bit skeptical. But we’ve been working on building a circle of friends for her for the past several years  Camp Fire, Brownies, 4-H, etc. She has some pretty neat friends and a lot of kids who speak to her whenever we're out in public. So I'd asked one of them to kind of watch her at the dance and help her with her money. Kim was a little timid about going into the dance, but when she saw her friends, she decided she'd stay. Her dad came home after dropping her off and we both acted as if it was the most natural thing in the world; neither of us voicing our concerns. We went to pick her up and all the kids and teachers told us what a good time she'd had and how well she'd behaved. It was a pretty big landmark for us.

Even though we realized we'd accomplished something here, we didn’t place too much importance to it. When I read what I'd written though, it brought back all the memories of how she'd been when I'd written it. At that time I really thought it would be one of those events that would never occur, but I'd still had a vision of it happening. I'm sure many of her former teachers never thought it would happen either.

Kim is autistic. She used to run out into the road chasing butterflies, eat glass, bang her head on the wall, and hide under tables when things got too hectic. I used to have to use the mixer and vacuum when she was asleep. Fire drills would send her up the wall  literally, and she never used to play with kids, just beside them. She had some pretty severe behaviors. The thought of her actually being away from me with other kids, at a place like a dance, for any period of time was unthinkable. But I did have that vision, although it seemed pretty unrealistic when I wrote it.

Kim is twelve years old now and I’ve been talking about what she might be able to do as an adult. I want her to be independent, have a job and live a full life. To be honest though, I have these horrible visions of where she may end up living and what she may end up having to do when I’m gone. I talk about her future, but do I think she'll be able to have a good one? Well, now that I’ve seen my dream about the dance come true, I can finally move on to my next dream and be able to really believe that it will come true.

Three Wishes

If I could have 3 wishes, the first one that comes to mind would be to make my kids 'typical'.  No disabilities, no more problems.  But that wish falls into the same category as "Gee, sure wish I could be 16 again and know as much as I do now." With the granting of the wish comes the loss of all that you've learned.

I have met so many wonderful people over the years and my whole view of life has changed.  I'm not the same person I was eight years ago.  I'm a little wiser, more informed and a lot fatter. (Two out of three isn't bad.) I feel more justified in taking up space on this planet. I've learned about "real" issues and I’ve made changes that have affected others in positive ways.

I've gotten the chance to write and it's meaningful writing.  People are learning from my experiences and my kids are doing okay.  I no longer yell at my husband as much because I have other causes to occupy me.  I'm making a difference!

I wouldn't know Sonja (the EI Specialist), or Molly (the preschool teacher), or Joan (the MR/DD Principal) or Dotty (my kids teacher now.) It's also true that I wouldn't know the 4-H leader who said "You’ll have to become an advisor if you want your kids to be in this club." But then I also wouldn’t have realized what difference there was in her and the people at Brownies who just accepted them with no qualms.

I wouldn’t know what a difference there can be in people.  I'd think they were all the same and I would have missed knowing how special some of them really are.  I'd truly be less a person today if I hadn't met these people. I'd probably be someone the me of today wouldn’t want to know.

Maybe if I just wish for it to be all right to be different, it would be a better wish.

If My Kid Was Typical

Sometimes, as parents of children who are different, we often feel as if life has dealt us an unfair blow.  We've had to rearrange our lives and dreams to accommodate the very unique needs of these little people.

It's rarely convenient or easy and it's very common to focus on the negative.  Speaking for myself, I've gained quite a few things from my children though.  First of all, I've met some truly remarkable people.  I've made some friends who I wouldn't trade for the world. (And compared to some of the ones I had before, they're really an improvement!)

I've learned to value individuals for their strengths and I've learned a whole lot about human nature.  I know what compassion really means.  I've seen miracles and I don't waste my time worrying about trivial things.  I've learned new languages (medicalese and educationalese) and have even been mistaken for a medical professional by another medical professional.

I've been in the position to help others in a truly significant way, and my values are definitely higher than they previously were.  I have solid dreams and I'm not so easily swayed by trends.  I feel as if I'm making a difference in many, many lives.  And I've learned how beautiful the world is, as I've explained sunsets to my blind daughter.  I've learned to see things differently as I've painstakingly figured out why my autistic daughter reasons the way she does.

I've been through some scary times too, but they've only taught me that I can do things I never thought possible.

...a story about the joys & fears of raising unique children